daite

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:39:50 GMT

He remembers, the sky was a raw smudge of rainbow, but with only good colours; sans blue, sans indigo, sans violet. And under the last ray of faint shell-pink sunlight he saw her face.

It was beautiful, the afternoon when a little bit of him died in a catch of breath.

Teenage dreams in a teenage circus

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:10:19 GMT

This year, he was going to be John Lennon. Shaggy-hair, People-For-Peace armband, singing “And darling, darling stand by me, stand by me.”

“You were John Lennon last year,” she notes, albeit impatiently.

But he wants to be a pop star, for one day in the year; instead of Jonathan Whitman, for a change. And in his mind he tells himself,

“You’re gonna rock tonight, Lenny.”

Stiff Upper Lip Week

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:44:34 GMT

It's times like this when i feel like Robinson Crusoe sans Friday, stranded on a random pacific island. You don't know how much i miss you guys; everytime I see something we used to do, hear something we used to say, go to places that reminds me of the places we used to go I get oh-so-sentimental. And that fact that I'm not coming back in Winter doesn't help. I know everyone hangs out with new friends in new environments but its so different.

Miss you loads. XOXO-

Hit me with your eyes so sweetly

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:32:35 GMT

Right, I kinda on the roll here I don't know if it's the shared itunes library I've been stealing music goodness from or the whether or the mixed feelings I'm getting here in London that makes me do this. But here's another something for you and maybe reading about people in suffering will make you (relatively) happier? So cheers-

-----
And he said she said, “Make me catch my breath…,” trailing off into a cloud of cigarette smoke in the last night of Fall. “…kiss me like they do on TV.” She giggles, batting her synthetic fiber lashes as if to say, pretty-please (with sugar icing on top). He helps himself to another martini, and confesses, “She was my worst mistake.” You nod at this, whispering, I told you so.

He loved her in detail. Her favorite movie of all time is Gone with the Wind, and when Rhett leaves Scarlett in the rain, she cries, every time. She knows the perfect cure for hiccups, makes coffee with three spoonful of sugar, loves cloudless days in winter, gets out of the left side of bed every morning, was born brunette but dyed herself blond to bring out the color of her blue blue eyes. She loved him in retrospect. You know this because you’ve heard her on the answer machine, call me back, call back, I’m sorry, come back, baby, come back to me tonight.

Over supper he loses his appetite, instead, asks you if you think he will still recognize her from the back, say, five years later. “You know, there was this once,” he continues, toying with the lukewarm apple crumble with his fork, “I thought I’d never find her in this whole crowd of people, but then I saw-” You remind him that she would never have found him in that crowd, or any crowd for that matter, you add. He pauses. “Get some sleep, we’ve got lectures tomorrow.” He doesn’t reply, and quietly lights a smoke, tipping the ash rhythmically mid-air; like sandman dust, you think. Forgive and forget, crash and burn.

You remember telling him, that we all make mistakes; follow the wrong rabbit down the wrong hole. He laughs at this, and says that he is no Alice. But he jokes, “So Miss Right-rabbit, how about you make sure I go where I should this time round.” You say that you were serious, he sighs, and says, softly; sometimes he still misses her, sometimes.

-----

ps I miss all your writing awfully too, please be inspired and churn out something for me to read and be happy about? <3

We are golden,we are golden

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:04:02 GMT

Ok now that's a rare one. Blackdome has a piece after a writers block lasting, what, 1 year? Tell me if I'm off my prime.... Alright anyway, here goes-

“You know what,” he says, “you suffocate me.” This comes as a surprise, because he’s hardly ever speaks during meals, and now his human voice intercepting the crackling of radio Mozart is unsettling, almost surreal. You say you’re sorry, but with a slight lift at the end, like you can’t quite catch. Afterall, you’ve just changed the china, so you don’t want to make a scene.

Before he comes home at 6pm weekdays (sans Tuesdays, when he dines with his golf circle), there is a strange calm in the air. You remember a documentary from ages ago, on fragile plants- touch-me-nots, dandelions, mimosas. It is times like that when you can’t get the image out of your head; as the tabby cat sashays away into the distance, slowly, silently the little green leaves unclasp themselves. You think it’s a beautiful moment, the type you’d record and replay endlessly on the VCR.

Over late morning coffee you survey your territory, and sometimes it makes you want to laugh, not in the average kind of chuckle, it makes you want to really laugh, so loudly that he hears you in his Manhattan boardroom, but only vaguely.

The porcelain figurines on mantelpiece remind you of Europe. Rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed princesses of Bavaria. Frothing tulles and petticoats of girls on swings in Versailles. He said he loved you, on a bridge on the River Thames, in the rain. You remember the rain, and the sad, sullen stains on his Burberry raincoat. You remember how the ring didn’t catch any light under the umbrella, but you liked it then, and how he said it. Your favorite figurine comes from Amsterdam; the little Dutch maid falls asleep in the hay, a book rested on her laced bodice, dreaming of her prince charming and his charming ways. It makes you want to lift the pages and re-write her a story that wouldn’t let her down.

He comes home in a good mood. Obviously, the stock market’s done well today. Over rosemary braised lamb shanks he proposes a toast; to you, to us, to happiness. You raise your glass in response. And for that split second your life feels like a butterfly. Apprehensively posed at rest, on a stalk of white lily, on a windless, sunless day.

Too fast to live, Too young to die

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:07:59 GMT

Alright cupcakes, 49 hours to flight time. How surreal can this get I mean one day you’re in our mini tropical retreat island and the next you’re facing this 7 hr time difference plus a major moving-over headache. When life gives you lemons-

1: The last few wks (or month even) since I came back from the prc has been all condensed into this cute little essence of good friends and memories. I’ll miss London without you guys, fo sho`

2: And because technology is supposed to make miracles, please use it well and frequently, in the form of emailing, skyping, msning etc. All you skypeless people please activate it so I can call/vidcall you for free anytime, anywhere.

3: By the way the fact that I sometimes semi-regret picking London over all these other place I could have gone to instead proves how precious you folks are to me.

4: I know we’re going to be varying long distances and time differences apart but you all know who you are and you’re Expected to keep in touch. This is non-negotiable. If relocating to some pacific ocean island, use smoke.

5: For now, Goodbye and thanks for the fish♥

This Is A Public Service Announcement

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 04:11:43 GMT

Oh look who's coming back to our sunny island home tomorrow!!!

ps free up your week comrades we need to organize fun&games :) but more on msn later when i touch down. have missed you much <3

XOXO

AND THEY LONGED TO BE FREE ONE DAY

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:04:21 GMT

THANK GOD THEY'VE SET LIVEJOURNAL FREE LONG LIVE THE CCP CUZ LIBERATION FEELS SO GOOD

P-P-P-Poker Face Week (PPPPFW)

Tue, 19 May 2009 03:27:56 GMT

Aloha babydolls. I know I was supposed to do this week thing on a weekly basis (liek durrrr) but you know you’ve gotta feel strongly about something to commit your whole damn week to doing it. Plus Ikr the theme for the week totally makes you think that I am some lady gaga fantard (which actually doesn’t bother me, take that Indie) but the thing is that wait let me explain to you how PPPFW is supposed to be done.

Lately I’ve adopted a very civil servant outlook to life, which is pretty ffff unfortunate but hey come on you can’t be a hippie all your life, unless you like, live in California. It’s like these days, overworked emotion bothers me, irresponsible action bothers me, lousy attitude bothers me etc. etc. But shit happens, I mean it’s not like I don’t get spurts of non-poker-face moments like everyone else.

So in line with PPPFW, I’m going to put on my best poker face to like deal with people and the world in general in preparation for my transformation into a income-earning, tax-paying, and positive-thinking kind of human being. I hope you’ve been bought in by the exciting prospects of normality in view of how it will help preserve your sanity, brain cells, facial muscles etc. from pre-mature aging and other unpleasant things. We’ll try this for a week ne, aww come on say you’ll PPPFW too &hearts;

HEALTHY LAPTOP POSTURE WEEK (HLPW)

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 14:33:38 GMT

Hello comrades. To exponentially increase the number of posts over here at bd i am going to start a new -Thing- that is kinda going to be part of my middle-class-American positive mindset healthy living long-term goal. Every week, I will be having a pressing issue/habit/foible to eliminate. This week is HEALTHY LAPTOP POSTURE WEEK (HLPW) and if you wish to join in please mention it in your comment and we will try to Encourage each other in a genuine suburban housing middle income family way.

Good laptop posture is very important. As can be seen from the figure above, young people (especially below-national-minimum-wage-slave-labor interns like myself and many others on my flist) need to pay attention to the above suggested angles to ensure healthy spinal development. Prolonged unhealthy laptop usage posture will only lead to painful repucussions in the future. You have been warned.

This message was brought to you by blackdome, who has been suffering from an acute tailbone ache and backpains.

oh gawd there she goes again

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 15:28:40 GMT

Hello world. This is a rant, so if you a) don’t really care about my innermost psychological development or b) don’t have time because you’re browsing more hip and interesting posts on your fpg you can essentially ignore this. But, I thought I need to sort my thoughts out, for myself, mostly.

You know on those quiz show things when they ask random young boys, or young girls, what kind of person they detest most in this whole wide loving world and they give answers like “people who say bad things about others” or “people who look down on other people” or something righteous and care-bear like that. But the thing is that I’ve come to realized that I am actually such a person, with should kind of mean that I’m not actually a very nice or lovable human bean. And actually the thing is that I really enjoy voicing out my dislike and disdain for select individuals, which in everyday terms we call bitching, but I would think that I like voicing them out simply because believe in the power of free speech and liberated emotions. Oh strike that, so middle-class American gay.

Also this kind of ties in with another one of my fatal flaws, which pertains to my style of making and maintaining friends. Because since I feel deeply about the aspects of people that annoy me, making real friends is actually quite difficult, you know, like pickiness gets in the way or something. But after I make them I also seem to have a problem with handling complex, wide-spread social relations, which becomes evident in how I sometimes don’t pay as much attention as I should to some of those people I actually consider very nice friends. I don’t know, does this come across as heartless? And even so I think I only have this extremely extremely minute palmful of people I am actually willing to be all-loving and all-encompassing towards, and for the rest my tolerance level tend to vary.

And I know that for anyone who’s come this far past an intro and two whole paragraphs you must be hoping that you actually wasted your time on some good and honest truth that will end-with-a-bang or brighten up your day by conclusion time but I’m sorry I did disclaimer you at the beginning that this isn’t one of those wholesome, well-structured, feel-good posts. But since you’re here I thought I might just say, to those people who think I hate you lots or I don’t treat you seriously or don’t talk to you enough, that actually it might just be because of my naturally ill disposition, which I might work towards changing in the future. Okay and since I feel indebted to people who’ve read to this line I should just add on that there are also some of you I wouldn’t exchange for the world because I really love you lots and I hope you also take on an all-loving and all-encompassing attitude to my various personality flaws because we’re kinda, friends? Alright great, now we end on a bright note.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:38:02 GMT

Oh great because I’ve been receiving comments like ha-ha you post so little we get to 2007 posts by simply scrolling down etc. I thought I’d post more, you know, now that I’m stuck in a stagnant period of waiting and unemployment. Okay so this time I’ve actually written something (HEADLINE NEWS CONSIDERING HOW I HAVENT WRITTEN IN A YR OR SMT) so you might want to read it. For fun&excitement interested parties can actually tell me if my writing style has change because I cant really tell myself…In other news Ive bought the new copics mentioned in my previous copic post with the help of cuvier (oh gosh I cant even spell this without a dictionary postcognitive was so no-brainer) alright so maybe I’ll show you the results of new colours in good time, ne.

Someone once told you to avoid those impromptu classmate reunion dinners, where chronically single, aging women would cling onto their high school sweethearts in mad pursuit of matrimonial happiness and financial security. This reminds you of a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode you caught on the plane, when Ross (or was it Chandler) went for one of those things and met—it was from a long time ago and you’re not exactly part of the cult so the details, you forget.

The atmosphere is lively in the posh hotel ballroom arranged by one of your classmate who got on well later in life. But all this while you’re behind a floral display, desperately trying to avoid meeting the eye of a Mary-sue woman you suspect you once dated in year one. And, hoping that he’d come over to make small talk, even though it may be purely out of politeness. At the back of your mind all this appears slightly déjà-vu, like when you especially looked forward to the start of term, hoping that a change in seating arrangement would place you strategically within talking distance, of him.

“It’s sure nice meeting all these classmates again don’t you think,” he remarks casually, with an entourage of single, aging women in tow, all desperate for his number. He has always been the social type, the kind in class to get the most chocolates on Valentine’s, the most presents on his birthday, the most hospital visits when he had appendicitis in the middle of year 2. “Yes…” you say, putting on your best poker face. He smiles, and tells you that you haven’t changed since high school and how the twitching corner of your lips still gives you away. You remember when he told you that he was going to get transferred, you said that it was a lovely opportunity to make new friends and you were very happy for him, also in your best poker face. Then he remarked that you were such a bad liar and that he also enjoyed the two years spent with you, and the others. It’s funny how memories get distorted with time and sheer will, and by now you only remember his smiling face and how he singled you out from the others.

By the end of dinner he takes out a notepad and scrawls his number down in pencil, telling you he only gives out numbers to close male friends because he doesn’t want desperate women at his heels. You mimic his chuckle, albeit forcedly, turning the conversation into one of chauvinistic camaraderie and nothing else. And all this while you try to analyze whether it was still within the bounds of camaraderie if you ask him out for a beer, or invite him home for tea, or tell him that actually— the Mary-sue woman you’ve been trying to avoid all evening finally interrupts you at the table, giggling as she tells you, and the whole company, how she still keeps the notes you passed to her during history class in her bedside drawer. At this point, he excuses himself and offers her the seat, patting you on the back with brotherly concern, “Hope this works out for you.” And for that moment, you could actually tell that he was just as bad at lying.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 11:17:46 GMT

Hi guys i know it's been forever since you've heard from me over here alright im sorry and hello again. well actually there's not much happening that I want to post abt cos this lj is not actually a rant-space or a diary thats why you don't see much of me ne...

ok that aside, i thought its been an eon since i've posted anything i did so i decided to post this up cos i actually quite like how i drew him haha what an amazingly shameless post but well hope it makes your day anyhow, despite you know, his sad face, cos it made mine :)

in other news my copic is also running out so mental note to self: buy more.

heres a closer look at his sad face idk there must be smt wrong with me drawing sad people makes me happy, its like i give them my sadness or smt... oh dear too deep gawd im -Sophisticated-

ok hope you guys have a uh great day, my blueberrymuffincakes fpage, ta-ta.

ps/ you need to listen to sorry sorry (yes i mean the crazy elf-love suju album) because its gdstuff, ok maybe just 2 songs(?) ask me if you want it ne~ its time to bring out the elf in you.

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:33:00 GMT

Okay right, at last we have answers. Anyway its been really nice seeing your replies awww like every time someone responds to my whimsical little quiz I feel so loved ♥

1: Favourite seat happens to be (C) directly behind the bus driver because it feels like im the only one in my own private bus xD I know, so weird, next time you try it.

2: Always bites off (B) head of gummy bears first because if you do the limbs first the vicious gummy monster may retaliate and bite you back with its vicious gummy mouth.

3: Don’t like (A) upset people because I have this bright little smut of sunshine in my inner-self that cannot really tolerate gloom&doom, and so sometimes I try to cheer people up a little too eagerly oops.

4: Anyone who’s had fastfood with me should have been too shocked by this to forget haha (B) is correct because I don’t like my burgers to have too much bread but if you take the entire other side off then you’re pressing the wrapping to the mayo which is A Waste, this is definitely a technique everyone should master.

5: Because my brain cannot process large and complicated social webs I seldom like outings with (A) a large group, it’s like I never know who I should be talking to more or talking to less or engaging in active social interaction activities with etc etc.

6: Strangely I like (A) single beds, ikea single beds = your personal bit of heaven.

7: (C) White, because if I’m in a sane mood I can name it haku (which is such a cute name <3) or if I’m feeling crazy I could name it tofu (which is one of my longterm aspirations haha)

8: Sorry guys I’m aged at heart and can’t stand (B) noisy, crowded places. Drive me crazy.

9: Yeah used to be clorets, now it’s (C) fisherman’s friend (lemon/mint), but I loathe its new plastic packaging, contemplating a boycott soon.

10: (A) starbucks duhh

***BONUS QUESTION*** sorry to ask this I don’t think many of you can answer this haha oops but it’s the bugis one opposite bugis junction in a little cutesy colonial shophouse that is now heartlessly replaced by Delifrance, which is why I have boycotted D. since then…guys you can join me in this silent protest!

-

Hahaha I know this is turning into a very long post but whatever let us press on comrades! You know it occurred to me that the answers you give can be taken as a rough impression you have of me (don’t you think so?) and soooo here’s what I think you think of me-

aziraphale_mel: thinks that I am emo-punk-rock rebel and like black cats despite chinese prejudices against them xD haha and has been influenced by postcog to think that im a bed-hogger (king-size bed…)- THREE POINTS!

radon_: thinks that I’m out-of-the-box quirky-creative by supposing that I have an option D for q7 nice try babe, but I’m a conformist at heart, nevertheless- FIVE POINTS!

postcognitive: thinks that I’m an awful sleepover pal and has managed to spread the rumor that I’m a very mobile sleeper and a blanket thief (which is NOT TRUE, mind you) - FIVE POINTS+2 BONUS (2 because it required you to answer place, and café. Good job shinobi, you have leveled up in friendship)

acronymn: thinks I’m sensible enough to sit near the rear door on buses but it’s a pity that I’ve let her down ahaha- SIX POINTS! (which means she is secretly very concerned about me although she says tells me that I’m annoying hurray)

boonping: thinks that deep down I’m a sordid character who cannot stand people getting high. Which is actually, half right (because I do get annoyed at people who cannot rein in overwhelmingly positive emotions) but that doesn’t really make me panic so-FOUR POINTS + 1 BONUS!

Anyway, so it’s been really fun reading all your responses and uh please don’t feel bad if you didn’t get everything right haha (assuming at you are now, feeling bad, that is) because I bet if you came up with a quiz like this I won’t be able to answer everything right either… anyhow, I love you guys to bits and you’re all very special in my ♥ although I might not have made that very obvious these few years (but really, trust me) XOXO

是哥兒們就得像哥們的樣

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:50:02 GMT

こんにちわわわわ!!! I’ve been thinking of what I should do for a new year post, considering how you know, I can’t stand New Year resolutions. Alright so let’s do a quiz (PRIZES INCLUDED WOOHOO!) and because I’m recently suffering from a hangover from school and classmates and friends and other care-bear goodness, let’s do a quiz about Me. Come come, answer the 10 questions and the one with the highest score gets a prize for being the most mushy-wushy know-all friend :D aww right and you’re all obliged to do this or I’ll be very sad ):

1: When I get onto an empty bus, I will sit (A)at the back of the bus (B)near the rear door (C)directly behind the bus driver.

2: The first part I bite off from a gummy bear is its (A)limbs (B)head (C)torso.

3: I get very distressed and panicky when people around me are (A)upset (B)sleepy (C)high.

4: My crazy burger eating habit involves (A) taking the whole bottom side of bread off (B)tearing off bits of bread on one side and piling it on tray (C) taking off one side of bread and squeezing half a ton of ketchup onto the lettuce.

5: I almost never enjoy outings with (A)a large group (B)only a few people (C)one measly other person.

6: My preferred bed size is (A)single (B)queen (C)super-size-me large.

7: My future cat’s colour would be (A)spotted (B)black (C)white.

8: I really really hate (A)large, open spaces (B)noisy, crowded places (C)small, boxed-in places.

9: Current mint favourite is (A)clorets (B)halls (C)fisherman’s friend.

10: I only do (A)starbucks (B)coffee bean (C)gloria jean’s.

***BONUS QUESTION*** Name the exact location of my favourite coffee joint of all times :)

Haiii okay that’s it I’m sure some of them are very Obvious since I keep doing these things/talking about them. Hmmm if you win this I’ll buy lunch or like something you want because of your awesomeness ♥ and actually, if you get it all wrong, I’ll never speak to you again xDD

沒事兒出門兒遛遛可好啦!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:05:56 GMT

wow guys, first post in a long long time. hope i was missed awww. anyhow, i went out with icedsaketoday, i've been going out way to much but nevermind now it has been a very Fruitful outing :D

1: klunch with only two people is (surprisingly) quite eventful and song-packed good for us haha

2: today i realised how i have neglected hokkaido ice cream for too long. friends you need to try chestnut with greentea such a cute combo now that they've added little kawaii chestnut bits into the chestnut icecream ♥

3: big news big news hmv is Finally enlightened about kpop it now has two(!!!) shelves dedicated to it, instead of that little row of rain and shinhwa albums tucked away beside dvds. happy me, and i am now the proud owner of new rain album at affordable price whoot I’m gonna be a bad boy I’m got a be a bad bad boy, says the kringlish lyrics inside.

4: also, i have new earphones! they are oh-so-awesome let me show you:

quite cool right, they're like cubey and not-the-same-colour heh heh, audiotechnica is my hero.

rich, poor, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:10:16 GMT

If you too believe
That it is always blackest before
The bright bright bright
Bright dawn that will shine in rainbow rays
Of glimmering glory and infinite,
I say, infinite breath intakes of
A better kind of hope—

Your Dark Knight is here
and long live our glitzy-razzle glamour glitterati obama-change-machine

Pre-math fun & games

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:43:23 GMT

Yes yes ok I know i shouldnt be doing this we are currently right spot smack in the middle of the monstrous prelims but I could resist so let me share my EXCITING!!! handwriting wizard report with you it is so funny...I mean, before handwriting wizard I totally didnt know that I suffered so much mental trauma in my youth because apparently "Someone once told Qianni that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them." Spot on baby, please read on if you need to know more about me and my low-esteem xDD

View Report

Welcome Qianni Hua, here is your handwriting analysis.

Qianni is a very emotional person with a broad range of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest lows. She feels emotional situations very strongly. She'll flash to the very peaks of elation, sweeping everything before her. Then, for some reason unknown to herself, she will burn out emotionally. These mood swings can be very disturbing to her. Sometimes, she feels that she can no longer produce anything. But, after given some time alone to "recharge her emotional batteries", she will spring back into action.

Because Qianni feels situations intensely, she relates easily to others' problems. If she is not careful, when she comes into contact with someone who is in a depressed frame of mind, she will also suffer the same emotions and change moods. Qianni reacts impulsively, without much thought before hand. She may plan everything in detail before she even begins, then do it completely different when the time comes to carry it through.

Qianni has a strong need for affection. She thrives on touching and being touched. Qianni desires being told that she is loved, every day. She enjoys being the center of attention. She loves attention, sometimes she even retells stories that got her attention earlier.

Qianni has the possibility of being a actor or natural born salesperson, simply because she relates so well to other people. She likes expressing how she feels, what she is doing, and what she plans to do. She is a people person.

She will work most efficiently in a people orientated job as opposed to a job working alone on an assembly line (that would drive her insane.)

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Qianni doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Qianni is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Diplomacy is one of Qianni's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Qianni can disagree without being disagreeable.

In reference to Qianni's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Qianni slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Qianni can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Qianni's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Qianni that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Qianni also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Qianni is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Qianni's self-concept is artificially low. Qianni will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Qianni to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Qianni is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Qianni is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Qianni has a tendency to put things off, Qianni procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Qianni will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Qianni is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Qianni has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Qianni fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Qianni has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Qianni is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Qianni is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

interesting?

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:03:36 GMT

(eww don't like looking like matsumoto jun. he is totally gay D<)anyway, i hope you play with it and show me, because im Curious and you know, its fun. go go :D

ps//excuse the lousy quality photo. took it with my lousy phone camera oops.

xoxo

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:44:55 GMT

If I broke my heart into
Pieces, small monosyllabic pieces
And put them in a line
For you will you sing it
Like a song or
Read it like
A poem or will you
Put them out one
By one like candlelights when
Your eyes see only a
dawn too bright for me
to even imagine

Stan, don't you know the first law of physics?

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:39:34 GMT

For the first time this year I have an urge to tell you about my life, like you know rant a little, put a little smiley here and there and sort of garner a little general sympathy from my f-list. Yesterday I was just telling postcognitive about how I’m becoming an lj leech (note: the sort who signs in from the friendspage page and stays there), I know, it’s terrible. Haha you know what this sounds like, this sounds like a quaint combination of a catholic confession and an alcoholics-anonymous speech. I’m sorry, I’m going into point starting now ok.

1: Everybody’s talking about the CTs and how studying for it sucks. Yeah, I concur. It’s like, I’ve tried to cram so much things into my head that I think most of it has sort of exited through my left and right ears.

2: A little story to make your day. In my youth my mother told me a story, a tradition Chinese story. About a monkey who plucked corn (yeah I know, the Mysteries of the Orient; why would a monkey do that?) anyway, each time he plucked a corn he stuck it under his arm, and in the end, he was only left with one corn. This is the fear instilled in me at a young age: the Quest for Knowledge may be a fruitless one.

3: It is very emotionally uplifting to see people I like to talk to pop up on msn/update their lj because I will know that they’re online/talk to them/read their entries and feel very in touch with them. Yeah it is a Positive Emotion. Yeah sometimes I don’t comment on your updates but uhm you know, I really appreciate them (especially amongst all the strange communities I subscribe to), they are very refreshing ne.

4: All these while I’ve been trying to make myself love Conrad. But HoD is painfully unappealing. Maybe it’s the cover. I don’t know, I need to try harder. I’ve heard a lot of the “I used to hate HoD but now I really really love Conrad because I now understand what he’s getting at &c.”, it is a state of being I wish to be in.

5: I’m so happy that Mr. Obama’s going to be king of america.

6: That day aziraphale_mel slept at my house and we watched gintama, after she Forced me to watch an episode of a drill anime I didn’t approve of (oh come on forgive me, I just didn’t like the art) anyhow, we watched gintama. And I’m all reminded of 2006 and the fun(!!!) I used to have in my life. Aww getting all sentimental now aren’t we. Mmyeah we are.

7: need to organize my post-jc life properly. Like for example, how I am going to make money to feed myself properly. A job, I need a job.

8: Starbucks? Maybe I’ll go work at some starbucks in Beijing, then I’ll come back with a full vocab bag of Chinese Names for Espressos and Lattes isn’t that Great. Wait, doesn’t that mean I get paid in RMB. No, not nice bahh.

9: Also, I need to organize a post-jc Tour of East-Asia. Anyone? Oh come on.

10: Yosh. Last point, I think updating is actually quite sweet maybe I should update more so you get more things on your f-list and uhm you know, you can spend more time on www.livejournal.com everyday. Wouldn’t that be nice. Right, love peace and joy ♥

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 13:22:20 GMT

On musty summer days when
springflowers pass on to anticipate
that monochromatic world of
browns gone
gone
gone to the land of fuchsia
unicorns and tangerine trees
I will still think
of you like it is
forever
fourteenth february

for all of you wonderful people. i love you too much to say it in sane, paragraphed words. i do hope that all is well, with everyone, although it is liek 2 months into school &c. we end on a bright note. 爱你♥j t'aime♥愛してる♥사랑해요.

Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 14:07:06 GMT

For you
I’ve made a ginger man with
A candied cherry smile and
two eyes of strawberry icing that
sees the world outside the electric oven in
pink light
In that way, everything’s
beautiful and every single person bending
over the cooling pan
to see him smile
his candied cherry smile looks
just like you.
Absolutely lovely,
lovely
just like you.

♥ uhh merry belated Christmas. This is for the all the special people on my flist, I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Srsly, I think I’ll be in very bad shape without you…love ya :D

sim3

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 13:31:35 GMT

Another eventful day at aileen’s, another day at the sim.omg guess what I totally built a House (from scratch!) for them I mean how cool is that.and made a new family, the Maos (毛家) :D I am an insanely proud Creator now witness my house-building and sim-creating prowess.

1:O look what a lovely house. It is an octagon on an octagon do you not think it looks very…prosperous?

2:here we have the back of the house, with large windows and a very wholesome garden created out of aileen’s green fingers and her determination to plant ever sort of plant sims2 offers her all about the place.

3:and look we have a Lagoon isn’t that so scenic. Plants and all.

4:theres this stray dog which has taken a liking to the house because it is forever loitering around the block aww too bad the Maos have a dog already, which will come to you later in this presentation.

5:there. more of that stray dog. Check out the hole in our lovely garden, how Upsetting.

6:oh oh here they are. He’s called Mao TianYu （毛天宇）and She’s Mao Ling (毛玲）I actually wanted to name Him毛泽东 but was afraid that the ccp will track me down or something. aww anyways they are happy in their lovely house with its lovely garden.

7:and look they are going to get married and so we have the arch in the wonderful lil garden I am beginning to feel very proud of aileen’s green fingers and…

8:…her obsessive compulsive planting of all the shrubs and flowers and trees and vegetation the sim world has ever known (uhm we even have a potato plant or something =__=)

10:the Maos get married. Oh by the way, did I tell you their dog, some husky lookalike thing, is called XiaoPing (小平) O it’s named after no one in particular~

11:ah remember the photobooth from last time, well, because aileen can conjure up money in the sim like majik we decided to buy one and put it in the yard so there was no longer a need to go to the mall to take pikchas :D

12:I think I am fond of毛玲…chongsam and all.

13:aww don’t you think the Maos are such a cute couple?

14:Mao is shocked at how well his picture turns out.

15:Mao is still pleasantly surprised.

16:do you know…all the poses are the same? Please refer to previous posts and you will totally see that the poses are the same. Don’t we feel so cheated now? O fare thee well Spontaneity.

17:well these are aileen sims. Actually I think I will forever be more found of the Park family (remember my friends, the first sims) awww♥

18:well that’s it I hope you had fun (I Did! I Did!) and maybe next time I’ll make a Nigger family D:

19:oh and I totally need to confess the fact that the house, although pretty and well-shaped, is actually quite useless because it is oddly shaped and uhm yes we have oddly shaped rooms and diagonal walls.

20:and it has no loo. Because well, I didn’t allocate space for a loo so the Maos will uhm I have no idea…have their bladders em regularly emptied by aileen’s command of technology or rely on their Chinese Innovation &c.

i hope the many many pikchas this time have been benevolent ♥

meme encore

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 15:16:05 GMT

I don’t know why im doing this. maybe its because I’ve never asked myself such questions before. So, we shall see how this goes ne~

1) Have you ever been asked out?
uhh yes.

2) Where was your default picture taken?
which one? Ah if you mean the facebook cotton candy one (which is uhm my only one…) I took it at some carnival in Milwaukee.

3) What's your middle name?
Heidi. You betcha.

4) Does your crush like you back?
can I ignore this question? Ah I don’t think I have one…

5) What is your current mood?
happy :D ok with a little bit of leftover annoyance.

6) What's your mom's maiden name?
kang. I swear this meme is sekretly a government survey.

7) What color shirt are you wearing?
maroon.

8) If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
no. I don’t want to live it all over again. You know, I don’t think I regret like stuff…is that bad?

9) Ever had a near death experience?
no im a healthy and alive person.

10) Something you do a lot?
talk?

11) Who can you tell anything to?
hmmmmmm. I don’t tell everything to a specific person because that is a Dangerous thing to do. Actually, I believe that there are some things I should keep to myself and to the grave-ish:D

12) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Alexander Graham Bell? Really.

13) when was the last time you cried?
uhh june? Let me tell you about my contact lens theory. I declare that contacts impedes one from crying, I swear I sort of stopped crying ever since they came along. Then again, I don’t think I lead a life I should lament about frequently.

14) If you could have one super power what would it be?
be invisible? Oh my you are so old school.

15) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Voice? General Appearance? Whichever comes to me first.

16) What do you usually order from starbucks?
double shot espresso

17) What's your biggest secret?
shhhhh~

18) Favorite color?
vermillion. Maybe white.

19) Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
no, not really.

20) Do you speak any other language?
oh oh oh this is my favourite part. Let’s rattle off xD 中文, français,日本語,한국어 ♥ O we are so shameless.

21) What's your favorite smell?
recycled paper. You know, the smell of MPH, bookstore.

22) Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
Fun. Well, no matter how crazy life is and how you hate it sometimes it terribly interesting. Don’t you love it.

23) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
no, although it is awfully romantic I think I would rather kiss uhm somewhere less wet.

24) What are you thinking about right now?
how this is taking up a lot of time and I should close the door because my mother’s tv is noisy.

25) What should you be doing?
thinking about novels illustrating the tragic Loss of Innocence.

26) What are you listening to?
mandopop ftw.

27) Do you like working in the yard?
no.

28)If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
thank you but I will keep my 华.

29)Do you act differently around the person you like?
no I shouldn’t think so. I believe I act the same with anyone unless well…im not particularly fond of that person, in that case you can totally tell D<

30)Who was the last person to make you cry?
my brother. When I was going away and all and it was very sad, although I well I think im going back again like novemberish. I swear I love my extended family too much. Aww.

i tag everyone to do this because i want to read and be informed about such things :D oh come on.